


Non-Fungible

by KaT_John_Adams



Category: Elsewhere University (Webcomic)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:54:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27029920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaT_John_Adams/pseuds/KaT_John_Adams
Summary: Inspired by this post: https://elsewhereuniversity.tumblr.com/post/168558492898/do-the-gentry-ever-accept-human-money-in-return
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	Non-Fungible

S _omewhere_ in the edge of the woods is a hut. You had to cross two streams (it didn’t matter which), then follow the squirrel that met you around the large oak tree, and then duck under the heather bough. Do all that, in the right order, and you’d find yourself at the entrance to a little hovel, marked only with a ring of small branches woven together. 

Locks stepped up to the doorway and knocked. The hut shuddered and within dozens of candles flickered to life. A withered creature sat behind a wooden table, the type used half a world away two-thousand years ago. It had the head of a falcon, the arms of a man, and the body and legs of an ape. Stacked haphazardly around the hut were coins and paper monies and various other human currencies from across the ages of man.

The _thing_ stared at Locks and she tried not to stare back. 《What do you bring? What do you want?》The voice resonated in her forehead and she winced. 《Many monies we have. An eternity to see them all, we will live. Time to waste on you, we do not. What do you have? What do you wish?》Locks pressed on her temples but focused on what she came for.

“I bring this.” She held out a a fragile piece of paper, carefully held in a thick plastic sleeve. “It’s a bank note from 1858, and was found at the scene of a double homicide. Two lovers killed by a bitter ex. Done in Philadelphia the same year. It has blood on it from all three.”

The Changers took the plastic slip and gently let the brittle paper slip out and onto the smooth worn wood in front of them. Locks assumed things aged differently here, because every collector she knew would have a numismatic fit seeing all of these priceless things just lain about atop one another and collecting dust and dripping wax.

The creature took a long _sniff_ of the paper, licking an edge experimentally. 《Ah, yes. Yes, it is as you said. A great deal of pain and love and fear still clings to it. A fascinating addition. Delicious. Difficult to get, too…?》

The third-year pressed her eyes shut for a moment at the _voice_ but nodded. “It was found amongst an old lot of evidence never used or disposed of. I had a friend in Philly pull a few strings and now it’s mine, but it could be yours.”

How the head of a falcon can smile, I can’t describe. Locks felt ill to her stomach seeing it, so perhaps that is for the best. 《Oh, bold you are. I like it. Better than the scraping, groveling, spineless things I usually get. What is your price?》

Locks lifted her chin. Praise from one of _Them_ was to be taken gratefully but without hubris. “An 1890 Victoria Crown, St. George on the reverse. Someone stole the one I owned, but it came from my father, which came from my grandmother, which came from my great grandmother. I might not have back the one I had, but I would at least like to replace it.”

There was a high-pitched giggle and the Changers clapped. 《Oh, yes, I like this very much. Here you are, dear. One Victoria Crown, _just_ as you asked.》

“Oh what the hell is _this?!_ ” The Changers leaned forward, their feathers rustling and their eyes keen. Locks didn’t care. She snatched the coin from the table. “This _is_ my coin! Did you-” She cut herself off as the tone of the room went from the creature’s growing excitement to a sudden wrathful insult. “No, I apologize for such a thought and am glad I did not voice it. I know you did not steal this. Someone _else_ did.” 

The room calmed. Candles which had momentarily burned like rockets sputtered to a soft flame. Coins settled back to their disorderly stacks as gravity took hold of them once more. 《I am so glad you realize that. No, _we_ did not steal this, we _bought_ it. For a trinket to complete a silly collection, in fact.》

“Really.” Ice and steel filled Locks’ throat. “I have a roll of Soviet money smuggled out of the borders in 1986. Tightly bound in the newspaper it’d been hidden inside of to slip it past the guards at the border. A family’s entire life savings as they fled the country. They died in a car accident, and the money was discovered in their property after it was auctioned off. My father bought it in France, I inherited it. It’s yours.”

A pair of very keen falcon’s eyes sparkled in the candle light. Strangely naked human hands impatiently stroked the ancient wood table that once changed coins for tax payers. 《And what can I give you in return for such a tragic but delightful thing?》

The third-year student leaned on the table and smiled into the Changers’ eyes. “Oh, Keep your collection, on this one. I just want-”

《 _\- A name._ 》


End file.
